flossatronha

ok so i ate crocodile, kangaroo, zebra and springbok. i am vegan no more. thought i better put that as an update.

was looking at previous posts and realized that iv almost managed to fulfill my new years resolutions.
i did travel outside Britain in April. i went skiing in France. it was with my family so no money needed. and better still, it was nearish my birthday so they bought me a picnic basket!
other resolution was to take better care of myself. i think my becoming vegan has fulfilled this. i haven't consumed caffeine for a long time but i don't feel tired as much...it doesn't make sense. i have become friends with the people in the health food shops who give me soya milkshake and gelatin free gummy bears and although new hall catering services have not been helpful..(taking 10 minutes to tell me whether the mushroom soup has milk in it or not.........it did.) and tea doesn't taste quite the same, im a happy camper.

i have zero money and so didnt buy any dinner for myself tonight. instead i scraped up some leftovers from last week. these consisted of the following: stale bread covered in homemade chocolate spread (hot choc powder mixed to a thick paste with water) and a stolen slice of salami. then i found some green vegetables in the fridge in a microwavable pack which i thought belonged to nakedlucy (my hateful roommate) and so i decided to steal it. the package was only 2 weeks past its useby date and i couldnt see any mold so i figured it was fine. NOT SO MUCH. i ate half of it and then discovered it was turning into a frothing green pulp. my insides hurt. i believe that the green mush was laced in poison as a tool for catching the food thief. damn you nakedlucy!! you will succeed in driving me to an early grave!

1. take better care of myself
2. travel outside Britain

already im not confident because 1-candy vs cabbage? water vs wine? this is clearly not going to work out. also, 1st of 2008 -i was ill with a BUG making my glands swell and head pound. not a good start.
2.im broke! thinking a magic carpet is the only way...

my head is spinning but im not drunk or hungover and havent been doing hand stands or pirouettes.

WATCHING NIGHT WATCH IN FILM STUDIES. woop woop.

everything is happening very fast but it seems like the days are really long and im always completely shattered when i get to bed. last night i saw a comedy show by some semi famous people at the union. even though im usually critical of these things i was in stitches while the guy pretended to throw quails eggs. then after drinking some witches blood(tesco halloween cherryade mixed with vodka only 37p) i went to what i thought was going to be a chinese party with free 'moon cake' (not spacey) and chinese tea and movies such as Hero BUT it was somewhere in david russel and was very hard to find ssso went to a random house party instead with a small emo guy whos second name was POWER and some other people who spent the whole time speaking japanese. the house was filled with various pills and peppermint tea and beer and a giant rug that was alive. a guy in a leather jacket put his arm around me for a while and then slightly later said that he would 'walk me home' i know the signs and so told him i was going to the bathroom and then went home. today there is a chocolate fountain party and then later a cheesy school disco. i may also go to the childrens party because there are freebies. also- sand castle competition!

seems like new hall houses a particular type of person- rich, well groomed, eats their vegetables ( i got strange comments/looks when i ate pudding for lunch ) and doesnt stay out all hours.
dyed my hair blue again as it was beginning to look too pale. also- i have applied for a job in a glass ornaments shop selling unicorns so i can gracefully skip into the store with a hangover and not break anything...they were surprized when i came in asking about it as i had been the only applicant. this is a good thing. once i have more money i can buy lots of romance novels such as 'sicilian vengance' and rubber lobsters.

OMG MY ROOM IS THE COOLEST THING EVER.
i have a double bed, a giant wardrobe, the bathroom is huge and the internet worked in like 2 seconds!

my dad without being prompted opens 2 bottles of wine and pours me a large glass even tho he had a message from me this morning about having no money or keys and having woken up miles away from home while my mum worried sick the night before almost calling the police...shes insane and he doesnt give a damn. then philip starts the conversation in a very very loud voice because he likes to be heard :
P - im building a robot pigeon. it will fly.
F- can i put ketchup on this?
mum- its tuna steaks with salsa verde , its very unappropriate.(im being given death stares. for doing nothing)
my dad chuckles loudly. he has the loudest and most distinctive laugh EVER. in a whole audience he could easily be picked out.he is laughing at his own joke which he shares.. its about excrement...which no one laughs at. then he makes another joke about a squashed turkey that is squashed in the shape of the country of turkey. silence.
P- panini makers are one of the best inventions ever. i cook all my food in one. its AMAZING. (his eyes light up talking about this panini maker)
mum- an old woman hit a robber with her handbag recently.
dad - why is there NO CHEESE??????????( he gets fairly angry about this. )

i then get up to leave.

my mum has taken my phone. this could be punishment for spilling red wine all over the carpet. the loss of the phone is VERY VERY BAD because it contains graphic, exposing, disturbing and incriminating photos of myself and others. also- messages detailing events that its pretty vital no one, especially my mum does not find out about. therefore.....for friends who have been told they are a bad influence already...it may not be a good time to come to dinner.
that is all.

i bought a super sized diet coke from burger king. half way through the soda i felt very dizzy and faint and sick and started to sway and stumble as i was walking down the street. then my vision started to go and my ears started popping and i staggered into a nearby cafe where i threw up the soda..everywhere. supersized soda was not a pleasant experience.

today i decided that i would return a phone i bought because it was a stupid and unnecessary purchase and i could have used the money to buy...amaretto..and...ribbons. so i looked up how i could get to a tesco superstore and got on a bus that would take me there and i got there and everything was fine..then on the way back....i got on a random bus which i thought would take me home but instead ended up at summerston terminus. i walked around summerston for a bit..then got on another random bus (following a hunch). by some miracle i ended up on byres rd. moral of the story- always follow hunchs.

i went to a st andrews evening held at glasgow academy. it was..interesting. i knew more people than i thought and came out of the evening feeling positive about moving in on saturday...even...excited. got to talking with a guy who was also a trek fan about the movies and he liked my cowboy boots and blue hair which made me happy. then i got to talking with girl about how i had a bag full of ketchup and how we were going to make horror films and she would star in them as a corpse and we would mix the ketchup with brown sauce to make it darker. unfortunately, there was NO FREE WINE. this made me very very sad. there was tea however. and a man obviously wearing a toupe. there was only 1 other person doing film( guy who liked trek) but there were a lot of frenchy type people..all far more superior than me but i didnt feel intimidated because the speakers kept talking about shaving-foam-fight-wkend coming soon and i was entertained.

tomorro =KYLIE!!!!!! exibition.

my dad just dragged me to a performance of Gospell by his music club (a collection of middle-aged, overweight and out of tune musical enthusiasts) and by past experience, i wasnt looking forward to it. the thing opened with people standing on cardbard boxes wearing sheets humming, while a George Micheal lookalike sat cross legged on a bench in the corner wearing a tight white tank top and too much hair mouse. i wanted to burst out laughing but tried to hold it in. when the sheets came off, half the chorus were wearing costumes from Grease and the other half had stepped out of the 80s neon hotpants,beads and side ponytails with the only member of the cast who could do cart wheels doing them every 5 minutes. then they started popping party poppers and put on party hats and ate cake and congoed round the stage chanting 'go Jesus,go Jesus,go Jesus'..it was a little overwhelming..the set consisted of pillars painted grey with hand prints and a giant knots and crosses board, a high fence round the band at the back and little signs saying 'we heart Jesus'. there were some good parts- a puppet show depicting the good samaritan story featuring a wine drinking father ted and some punch and judy style fighting. also- a guitar solo randomly in song which was awesome but unfotunately difficult to hear as one of the girls burst out a high (out of pitch) note taking centre stage in a pink tutu (supposed to be playing the prostitute) followed by LOTS of jazz hands. cant say i wasnt entertained. i shouldnt hav had to go anyway. it was a drag. much rather b at home reading new books- 1. written by THE SHATNER himself. 2. mills n boon about lots of action in a sweet shop.(think chocolat porno version) 3.well...theres something in this guys blood which joins him to this woman of magnificent beauty and she is the evil tormentor with a black soul on an evil quest and its in Egypt and apparently 'sensual and erotic' and will take me to black places..but theres a woman barely dressed on the front so it must be good quality. then i got a murder mystery in french which will probly take me a while but on a flick through is filled with people drinking cocktails,smoking and then shooting each other and hiding the bodies in hotel room wardrobes.

met up with mairi and went for lunch which we decided should be ice cream and candy in large amounts from pizza hut. i filled my entire bowl with bubblegum,chocolate and popcorn flavoured sauce and then stirred in dolly mixtures to make ultra awesome make-feel-sick sugar soup. there may have been one teaspoon of ice cream in total..then a candy tower. then we decided that we hadnt got our moneys worth so i had the ingenius idea of lining my bowl with my napkin and filling up the bowl with sweets nd then pouring them into our bags. we continued to do this until it was pretty damn noticable when we walked out the store that we had emptied their entire candy store into our bulging handbags. it was only a little embarassing (mostly we didnt care because it was funny and we had a ton of cheap candy) when we realised we were sitting in the direct view of a security camera watching the not-so-sneaky sneaking take place. who said it wasnt to-go. i sat there wearing an ostrich feathered cardigan and pearls thinking - im just so damn classy.

my encounter with a squashed pigeon 2 days ago disturbed me so much that i havnt left the house since. actually..this is a lie. i left the house to go to safemorrifields with iain and gavia to buy tinned pineapple, wine, tunnocks tea cakes and soda...apart from we didnt end up getting wine because 5 quid is too expensive for a glass or two to accompany star trek watching. after that i didnt go out. working my way through all the star trek movies..and episodes which come on the sci fi channel almost all day..but not right now because heres another programme on about ufo's which is not that great. i also watched this awesome cooking show and there was a sweet old lady called FLOSSIE and she loved sherry and she made trifle for her hairdresser all the time and she had a white afro and wore pink fluffy jumpers and was AMAZING. it was very exciting. AND she kept chickens!!!!!!! love. it wasnt a show just about her unfortunately. she was competing desserts with another less cool old lady. i didnt see the end of the show to see who won because the phone rang but i assume she won because she was obviously better. watching it made me feel better anyway because i was feeling pretty sucky (a word not in the emotions list) about everyone in the whole world going to edinburgh on saturday and leaving me on my tod. i cant face the big bad world. therefore i intend to lock myself in this house where wine and tv shows about wedding cake making and man eating dogs are available...and i can dress up for the postman everyday and make up killer choonz on the pianO...(that noone is allowed to hear).
also-experiments with rice pudding and paint and rubber gloves in the bath tub.

really gross thing that happened this morning= i was drawing on my face in th bathroom and the pen flicked out of my hand even though it wasnt like i was jerking about or anything and then the pen flew into the toilet and i had to reach in and get it out. it was horrible. i washed my hands about a hundred times after.

then i went to the kitchen and had made 2 cups of tea and salmon. and then i turned on the radio and it was the jackson 5 so i had to dance. (blame it on the boogie)
i think i need some more tea now.

i have dressed up in an evening gown for the postman. he shud be bringing the blue hair dye i bought 2 days ago online. at the moment i am very mad because iv spent the past half hour looking for the piece of paper i wrote my LJ password on before realising i could have it emailed to me. on the upside, i found some chocolate santas in a bag and my other slipper=YAY. i feel like making a cake.. but now it doesnt feel right unless it is...spacey.
2nite is star trek night..i think..or it is 4 me anyway. dont know if anyone knows about it, but i intend on watching the 3rd and 5th movies for a millionth time to..reaffirm my faith.
ok..bored now.

another time wasting activity - apparently my life is rated 18. i tried this quiz thing twice..to check..could be because i entered that if a robber came into my house i would rape him, stab him, cut out his heart and eat it. oh and that i was a professional gambler. mostly true.

EUROTRIP IS TOMORO ND NOTHING IS READY. still need to work out phone/money/security/what il do if it rains. also..wash and dry clothes realy quick so they can b packed. organisation SUCKS. im going out. i cant b bothered. itl work itself out.
so far today...was woken up by mother telling me im going to die in europe while i had half opened eyes and a hand over recently pierced ear she was against me getting and hopefully wont until i get back from europe. then i can just tell her it was that OR a giant dragon tattoo on my back (while concealing my back obv) and then she started getting mad about me stealing all the salmon.

then i put jeans on and ate some of the awesome marshmallow paste i got in london.its called 'fluff' and its in a jar and i had it when i was five and then not since then as you can only get it in america but this was a specially special store with all the candy in the whole world.and a candy floss machine and GIANT lollypops. u can imagine the expression of overwhelmed excitement on my face. i was shaking a little.

no more alcohol last night. i got sand in my shoes tho. and in various other places. then we watched the groovy dance at the end of napoleon dynamite...its all so KICKass.

YAY i just found my carrot seeds. now i can plant carrots. woop woop.
i had a bad thought yesterday. i couldnt stop either. everyones just sitting. being normal. then i start thinking...which one of us will die first? in what order? what will we all die from? then i got loads of images of everyone just dropping dead nd their eyes drying up and their skin shriveling and turning into dust. it wasnt terribly nice.
damn. i just lost the game. DAMN THE DAMN GAME.
ok. going out now. to do nothing in particular. ask the bank why theyv sent me 6 cards even tho i only have..2 bank accounts. then il just walk about wasting time.

iv decided to start using this live journal type thing coz....iv only heard good things about it and gavia insists on it...even tho i cant write for toffee...

i just fell off my chair and knocked a giant pile of crap on the floor..things are not going well. i then realised iv lost the flight information for eurotrip in....2 days time..OMG.my filing system of storing evrything wherever it lands when i chuck it doesnt seem to be working.
my head is spinning.
my face feels as if someone has punched my eye and the whole thing is about to turn black and purple and blue and green. i have another bruize on my left arm. im wearing sunglasses even tho its not sunny and im inside. there is also a bangle i woke up with which i assume is mairis?? (mairi if u just read that..let me know) i feel sorry for my aunt,uncle and cousins who left for home(birmingham) this morning and recieved a goodbye of muffled grunts while i was staggering towards the kitchen for some water. need some water now...or tea. i like tea. i was away last week somewhere near london visiting my nana and drank 10 cups of tea in a day and a cup of coffee and then couldnt sleep (probs not helped by the fact that she has 16 clocks in her house, some of which make bird noises every 15 minutes) then i had a really bad nightmare about my family stabbing me with long dagger fingernails.. well it was really scary anyway. so i got up and made a cup of tea. then everything was fine. i also watched a casino thing on tv..but it was pretty boring..there ws a guy with waist length grey hair and a stetson...he was pretty cool.he looked shifty and mysterious...like he had a plan to put rat poison in the drinks of everyone else. i know thats what i wud do. or....pop balloons next to their ears to distract them from their game.
i must sound like a drunk. im not really.the reason for the drunkeness- graces leaving party. it was pretty fabulous. we made cocktails..all tasting fabulous but making me feel not so fabulous right now. i made one with popping candy frosted edges.

will come back later to post more..need to go and practise cart wheels.